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My personal story

PrintDownload as PDF
Narrative
Country: Estonia
Sex:
Male
Primary Topic:
CHILDHOOD / FAMILY LIFE / RELATIONSHIPS
Year:
1980, 1990

I: Yes. And you remained alone with two children and they were... how old were the children?

R: I remained alone with two children. One was 10 and the other was 4,5.

I: They were small children in fact, how did you manage?

R: As for money, I received the special widow/orphan pension. I worked flexible hours. I was the boss of my time, so to say.

I: Was it one reason why you managed to organize it?

R: That was a very important factor. Children were in the kindergarten all the time. One from... the other from two years went to kindergarten, also after the death of my wife.

I: And who took them there? In the morning you took them to the kindergarten?

R: In the morning I took them there and in the evening I brought them back home.

I: But some grandparents or?

R: No, I did not have. Sometimes, when I needed, my older sister helped me to look after children.

I: Was it very difficult this time? It is very difficult with two small children alone, how did you manage to do it?

R: I managed because I did not have any financial problems, I had several jobs.

I: You had several work-places but if not financially, then how was it to organize the work, it must have been a very big burden to organize the work. So much care-taking, as they are ill and everything.

R: Yes, when they were ill, I was at home with them.

I: You could be?

R: Yes, I could as I had a job like this, I could stay at home. I was, I will not say the name (...)

I: Say, to hire a baby-sitter, you did not have the idea?

R: No, I did not have the idea to hire a babysitter.

I: But why did you not?

R: I managed myself.

R: (....) Yes I had the car from the office and later I had a cheap car.

I: You had a car which made the situation easier.

R: In summer I was in the cottage for a longer time, one and a half months.

I: And yes, did not you...you were cooking at home yes?

R: I did everything.

I: Did you learn it as you needed it or did you have the skills for cooking before?

R: No, I have, well, always prepared meat dishes myself. I have been the main cook all the time, also when my wife was alive. I was then also the main cook.

I: Yes-yes. Then it was not like this that you had to learn lots of new things overnight?

R: No, no. Cooking or washing-up was not the problem.

I: Has never been a problem. But wasn´t it in Russian time that men did not cook at home very much?

R: Yes, but I had it like this. NAME 1... she had a huge work-load, she was the assistant head-master at school. She had a huge work-load. And she met students when she was ill, then they came home to meet her. That she had so much...it was so much work to do that I was doing the domestic work all the time. I did it all the time. When she lived I did also the domestic work.

I: But was it usual or unusual in Russian time that?

R: It was not usual.

I: That you yourself understood that it was not usual?

R: Yes. (....) Women said that I am a wonder-man.

I: Yes, that you had a status of a wonder-man. Women regarded you a wonder-man.

I: Were you nervous that she had so much work?(---)

R: Yes. But (LAUGH). I tried not to raise the problem. I tried not to raise it. (---)

I: You did not demand that she could do the homework herself, that you will not do anything at home any more?

R: No-no.

I: That there was never a situation like that.

R: In addition, it was, when both were ill (PAUSE).

I: It was difficult.

R: Yes, well (---). Look, when my mother-in-law and both were through.

Estonian

(...) intervjuu kõrvaline jutt

I: Juttu tuleb nagu sellest, et sa olid nagu kahe väikese lapsega isa, et sa võid nagu rääkida miks sa olid ja kuidas sa oma elu korraldasid, et räägi siia?

R: Eee. Sünniaastat pole vaja?

I: Ei, sünniaastat pole vaja.

R: Juba hakkas või?

I: Jah. Et sa jäid nagu kahe lapsega üksi ja need olid... kui vanad lapsed need olid?

R: Jäin kahe lapsega üksi. Üks laps oli 10 ja teine 4,5.

I: Need olid ju väikesed lapsed ju tegelikult, et kuidas sa nagu hakkama said?

R: Rahaliselt maksti toitjakaotuspensioni. Töötasin normeerimata tööajaga. Mul oli n.ö oma aja peremees.

I: Kas see oli nagu üks põhjus ka, miks sa ikkagi said seda korraldada?

R: See oli väga oluline tegur. Lapsed käisid koguaeg lasteaias. Üks alates ...mõlemad alates kahest aastast käisid lasteaias, peale naise surma ka.

I: Aga kes nad viisid? Hommikul ise lasteaeda ja?

R: Hommikul viisin ise lasteaeda ja õhtul tõin ise ära ka.

I: Aga mingeid vanavanemaid selliseid?

R: Ei mul ei olnud. Aitas mind vahetevahel kui oli vaja, tuli vanem õde laste järgi vaatama.

I: Aga kas sul oli nagu väga raske ka sellel ajal? Kahe väikese lapsega on ju raske olla nagu üksinda, et kuidas see õnnestus?

R: Õnnestus selle tõttu, et rahalisi probleeme ei olnud, kuna töötasin mitme koha peal.

I: Töötasid mitme kohapeal, kui rahaliselt ei olnud, aga nagu selle töö organiseerimise mõttes, et see on ju väga koormav, et kuidas sa selle töö endal ära organiseerisid? Nii kohutavalt palju hoolitsemist, et nad on ju haiged ja igast asjad.

R: Ja, kui nad haiged olid, siis ma olin kodus nendega.

I: Sa said olla?

R: Jah, ma tänu...ma niisuguse eriala peal töötasin, et ma sain kodus olla. Ma olin...ma ei taha nime öelda.

I: Jah, ei peagi nime ütlema, see töö ja ametikohad ei olegi nii olulised. Linti ei pea ütlema. Need asutuse nimed lähevad nii kui nii, asutus üks ja kaks, et see pole oluline. Ütleme sellel ajal lapsehoidjat palgata, et seda mõtet sul ei tulnud?

R: Ei, lapsehoidjat ei tulnud mul mõtet palgata.

I: Aga miks sul ei tulnud?

R: Ma sain ise hakkama.

I: Aga kas keegi nagu pakkus ka ennast appi, et töökaaslased, naisterahvad ei trügind ennast sinna appi?

R: [NAER] Jah, eks nais sõbrannad ikka vahest aitasid ka kui vaja.

I: Jah, et ikkagi ütleme kui...vat vene ajal sellised olukorrad... ta oli ju ikkagi ebatavaline?

R: No, jah.

I: See ei olnud ju tavaline. Selles mõttes, et ma nagu eeldan, et see võis nagu tekitada huvi sõbrannades, et selline hea palgaga meesterahvas vajab abi, et trügivad appi sulle. Kuidas sa neist lahti said siis?

R: Aga ma ei tahtnud ennast kellegiga siduda.

I: Ja, jah. Et aga sa said nendest lihtsalt... sa ajasid nad siis lihtsalt minema siis? Või mis moodi see....mis moodi sa nendest vabanesid?

R: Ei, koju ei tulnud keegi.

I: Aa, et seda, et keegi oleks tahtnud sind takistada, seda ei

R: Ei, ei, ei.

I: No jah, aga lapsed.

R: Lapsed ei soovinud kedagi teist.

I: Jah, et lapsed ka nagu andsid märku, et neile nagu meeldis sinuga nagu olla? Ja mingid tädid ei olnud väga teretulnud ma saan aru? Ei olnud?

R: Ei olnud.

I: Ei olnud jah. Aga mis sa siis ütlesid mingite tädide kohta, et on sul mingi lugu meeles järsku? Et kuidas nad need tädid ära saatsid?

R: Tädidega ma sain ise hakkama. Poisid ei sekkund asjasse.

I: Aaa, ei sekkund asjasse. Just. Aga ütleme töökaaslased, et kas nad arvasid, et sul on väga raske, et kas te sellest rääkisite ka nagu tööl, et sul on nagu...kuidas seda abi nagu pakuti?

R: Ei, töökaaslased ei pakkund abi. Mul ei olnud põhjust pöörduda ka nende poole abi saamiseks.

I: Just, et see iseensest läks nagu korda. Aga lasteaias või koolis olid õpetajad sinuga ekstra abivalmis?

R: Ei, seal ei olnud mingit vahet.

I: Ei olnud mingit vahet, et sa ei tundnud

R: Ei koolis ega lasteaias, ei mingit eri... ma ei palunud ka kellegi käest mingit erilist vastutulekut või toetamist.

I: Selge. Ma nüüd.

R: Mis sa edasi tahad teada.

I: Kool...kas sul oli auto ka?

R: Jah.

I: Ma just mõtlesin, et see oleks kohutavalt tüütu.

R: Jah, mul oli töö auto ja siis pärast oli sapikas.

I: Et sul oli nagu auto, mis tegi selle olukorra lihtsamaks.

R: Suvel olin suvilas pikalt, pikalt poolteist kuud.

I: Ja ega su...sa oled ju selline, et kodus sa ju tegid süüa ja?

R: Kõik tegin.

I: Kas sa oskasid juba enne süüa teha või siis õppisid kui oli vaja?

R: Ei, mina olen noh lihatoite koguaeg teinud ise. Mina olin põhi toidutegija koguaeg ise, et kas kui naine elas. Olin mina ka põhi toidutegija.

I: Ja, jah. Et see ei olnud selles mõttes mingi, et sa pidid nagu üleöö hakkama mingeid uusi asju õppima väga palju?

R: Ei, ei. Toidu tegemine ega pesu pesemine ei olnud probleem.

I: Pole nagu kunagi olnud probleem. Aga kas vene ajal ei olnud niimoodi, et mehed tegid suhteliselt vähe kodus süüa või?

R: Aga minul oli niimoodi, et NIMI 1, oli nimi siis, et tema oli... tal oli ka tohutu koormus, et ta oli õppealajuhataja. Ta oli tohutu koormusega, et tal oli palju tööd. Ja võttis veel õpilasi, kui ta oli haige, et siis nad käisid tal kodus. Nii, et temal oli tohutu...tööd oli nii palju, et neid koduseid töid tegin mina koguaeg. Ma tegin koguaeg. Kui ta elas, siis tegin ka mina koguaeg koduseid töid.

I: Aga, et kas see oli tavaline või ebatavaline vene ajal, et?

R: Ei olnud tavaline.

I: See ei olnud tavaline?

R: Ei

I: Et sa ise said ka aru, et see ei ole tavaline?

R: Jah.

I: Et, sest ma mõtlen, et vene ajal oli niimoodi, et mehed kodus...ma ei tea minu isa oli nagu ekstra tegelane, aga ega ta ju, ma küll ei tea, et ta oleks midagi teinud.

R: Naised ütlesid, et sa oled üks imemees.

I: Jaa, et sa olidki üks imemehe staatuses ma saan aru. Naised pidasid sind imemeheks.
(...)

I: Sa oled tal 14 jah?

R: Ee. Siis oli noh suuremad mured murtud. Noh, noorem poeg.

I: See, et ta oli juba iseseisev, et

R: Ei, noh vaata. Siis sa enam ei pidanud teda passima kodus. Sa tunned ju omast käest, ta koju tooma ja passima ta järgi, aga siis oli juba 14 aastane oli, et vanasti lõpetasid 7 klassi, et see oli 14.aastaselt. Ja noh ta oli siis juba...siis ta lõpetas 14.aastaselt 8.klassi. Noh, siis on juba...siis olid nagu juba üle koera saanud. Ja siis noh vanem poiss oli juba siis 20.

I: Suur inimene. See kui sa said ise juba koju jätta, et siis oli muretu?

R: Jah

I: Ja, jah. Aga enne seda ...muidugi jah, et see
(...)

R: Oli noh...väga suure koormusega. Ta tegi ju, sa jälle tead omast käest, et pidid parandama kodutöid eksole. Ja, ja siis ta andis need tunnid. Kodutööd parandada. Igasugused need veel...ta oli selle rõiva disainimisega...noh igal juhul koolis palju tööd, igasugust tööd ja õppealajuhataja ka takka otsa.

I: Kas sind ajas närvi ka see, et tal nii palju tööd on? Kas sa mõnikord mõtlesid, et tegelikult võib olla oleks tore kui tal oleks vähem tööd ja ta? Või kuidas sa sellesse suhtusid?

R: Jah. Ega [NAER] Ega see...mina püüdsin sellest mitte numbrit teha. Mina püüdsin mitte numbrit teha.

I: Et sa nagu ette ei heitnud talle seda?

R: Ei, ei.

I: Et sa nagu ei seadnud teda fakti ette, et nüüd sa ei tee enam midagi siin kodus, et ta peab ise?

R: Ei, ei.

I: Et sellist asja ei olnud?

R: Aga mul lisaks oli vaata siis kui olid korraga mõlemad olid haiged ja ...

I: Et siis oli nagu keeruline?

R: Jah, noh

I: Et siis kui

R: Ei, vaata kui mul ämm eks ja mõlemad olid täiesti läbi. Noh.

I: Aga ämm siis tuli ikkagi appi.

R: Ämm oli,ämm oli...ma ütlen sulle kohe...ämm käis kuni alla 2 aastani, et noh sinnamaani.

I: Sinnamaani.

R: Sinnamaani aitas ämm. Kui ta jäi nii haigeks, siis tal opereeriti jalad.

I: Siis ei olnud ju enam midagi teha, et ta ei saanud

R: Ta oli pikali. Ta oli haiglas oli, et ta surigi seal. Põhja...seal haiglas oli. Ja, aga ennem tal oli gangreen, lõigati jalg ära. Kumb ennem sureb.

I: Mõlemad olid nii haiged?

R: Jah.

I: Siis sul oli ikka kohutav koorem, raske olukord ikka tegelikult, et täitsa õudne, täitsa õudne.
(...)

I: Ja, et mäletab ka?

R: Ei.

I: No jah, ta oli nii väike, et ta ei mäletagi üldse. See võib olla ka selline veel. Huvitav ma arvasin, et mäletamine hakkab...

R: Kuskil kolmeselt.

I: Jah umbes nii, neljaselt. Ma mäletan minu esimesed mälestused, mida ma mäletan, et siis hakkad nagu teadlikumalt mäletama mingeid asju.

Metadata

Other Topic categories:
IDENTITY
PROFESSIONAL CAREER
Key actors: 
myself, children
Tags:
caring/carer/care giver, childcare, childhood, family life, fatherhood, housewife/houseman, relationship, responsibility, roles/role pattern, single parent, support, health, illness, treatment/therapy, age, competences, labour conditions, occupation/job, reconciliation private/professional, salary/income/allowance
Male, 73 Estonia

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